is it too early to have cake?
 
cake for breakfast perhaps?  cake and coffee?  cake or hot chocolate?
 
anything to justify having cake?

tell me how many bartles and jaymes does it take to take the pain away?

while you're at it, can somebody tell my why it hurts so much?

to date, my progress is as follows:

• i've distanced myself from sB.  it's baby steps, but i'm trying my best.
• i haven't been skipping work or calling in sick.  heck, i came to work a 2 full 8 hour shift last week!
• i've been going out with friends more.  j's happy because he got to hang out with me again twice in a row this week (mizu last friday and movies and chinese food on saturday).  and i went clubbing with old co-workers after dodging invites for the last six months. 
• i'm going to see a specialist for my other issue.  i am putting the blame on sB for this one.  'nuff said. 
• i weighed myself the other day.  my weight hasn't been this low since 3 years ago.  :)  unexpected weight loss is always good when you're not even trying.
• my relationship with k is slowly healing back to how it used to be.
• i haven't cried for4 days now.  that, my friends, is a record considering how depressed i have been for the last month.

i'm using music and the blog to recover in my post-sB phase.  with everything happening, i'm trying to get better.  i really am pushing it.

now, if only He grants me what i wish and i've been praying so hard for. 

will blog about the clubbing thing and my hanging out with j some other time. 

 

i tried to deny it for as long as i can.

but the truth it, i did fall for him.
with no safety nets. 
no assurances of somebody catching me.
i fell for everything.  hook, line and sinker.

now i'm hurting.

apparently, i got caught in my own web.

i'm writing this because i can't quite divulge info for fear that it will bite me back.

but nevertheless, this is for dS.  thank you for being there and for taking care of my during the times when i want to disappear.  you have been a good friend.  and indeed, you are the gticsk.  :)  paul would know what that means. 

he was a boy she was a girl
can i make it anymore obvious?
he was a punk, she did ballet
what more can i say?

he wanted her,she'd never tell
secretly she wanted him as well
but all of her friends, stuck up their nose
they had a problem with his baggy clothes.

he was a skater boy,
she said see you later boy
he wasn't good enough for her
she had a pretty face
but her head was up in a space
she needed to come back down to earth

maybe in time we can really be friends.  but now, i think it's time we just let things be.

i will truly miss your company.